I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
