we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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