i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
