so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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