So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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