4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
