His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just pee around me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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