areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
