I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize