she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
