don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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