Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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