That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think a kid would responsible me up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
