big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
