So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
