Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
