Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
