She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
