i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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