There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
