My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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