seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
