just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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