Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
