I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
