how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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