Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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