There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
