Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
whose parrot is this?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
