real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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