i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
