he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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