I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
