When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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