This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
