I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
