my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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