Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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