I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
