I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
