hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize