ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
then he tried to convert me to islam
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
