never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
