I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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