SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
