Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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