Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
