Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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