I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
