he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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