Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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