I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
