I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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