If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
