Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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