remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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