Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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