were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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