Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize