Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
