Your dad touched me again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
