Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Success! We fucked roommates!
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