he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
