so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
