walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
