it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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