when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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