sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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