no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
MIDGETS
????
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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