I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
