It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
