he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
