Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
