i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
