Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize